The Kid Is Trying To Kill Me With Embarrassment

OK, like I said in my last post, Nolan is toilet training.  This is just one of his embarrassing moments.

Nolan had an accident (the third or fourth of the afternoon) and I was debating just putting him in a diaper and being done with it.  I had removed his wet shorts and he was running around bare-assed because he refused to go upstairs to get a clean pair of undies or a diaper.  Any way, he was running around bare-assed when someone knocked at the door.  I thought it might be a day home client's Mom so I ran to the door with half naked Nolan right on my heels.  I saw it was the charity Plan (fostering children in Africa).  I went outside and shut the front door in the hopes that Nolan would stay inside and not flash the neighbourhood.  Didn't quite happen the way I planned.

Mr. Naked Bum finally decided to open the door and come outside to be with me.  I picked him up trying to cut down on the amount of people seeing his tally-whacker hanging in the breezes and swung him onto my hip with my hand trying to cover his tush with my hand.  He looks up at me with a crazy, scheming grin and says, "You feel my nuts on you Mom!"  I almost dropped him as I doubled over howling in laughter.  The two guys from Plan stood there briefly dumbfounded before cracking up too.  The one doing all the talking finally said, "That has just made my day!"  I just stood there wishing the porch would open up and swallow me whole.

Now, how do I teach a 4 year old to filter?

Toilet Trouble

Nolan is 4 now.  A 4 year old, thumb sucking, Gankie (blankie) loving, long haired hippie freak, hockey goon resembling, diaper wearer.  He has, up to this point, had absolutely no interest in toilet training.  No amount of bribes, pleading, begging, or shaming has made any difference to him.  He has been quite content to mess in his pants and carry on with his day.  He'd sit in his own mess all day if I'd let him.  I tried letting him sit in it and hoped it would be uncomfortable and make him WANT to get rid of it and no, he wasn't bothered at all.  He's stubborn and dug in his heels and has fought the toilet this whole time.

Finally, mid to late last week the idea that he can't get a bike or go to school because he still wears a diaper clicked.  He has insisted on wearing underwear ever since.  The first day was pretty good.  Only one accident.  Unfortunately, it has gone down hill from there.  Each day there are more accidents and more "I sorry Mom!"  It still isn't making him use the damn toilet without me nagging.

Today he must have sensed my frustration (or heard my threats of putting him back in a diaper and putting him in bed for a nap like a baby) because as I was walking downstairs after putting the day home baby down for a nap, Nolan greeted me with wet shorts and a cloth.  He told me that he had peed and wiped it up himself.  Smart kid?  Helpful kid?  Embarrassed kid?  Kid with a good sense of self-preservation because I'm ready to tie a knot in his willie and be done with it?  Who knows, I'm just happy he cleaned it up himself.

I've Done The Unthinkable

I stopped taking antidepressants!  It has been a month (well 2 days short of a month) now and I'm still going strong.  December 15, 2011 was the start of a new way of life.

I wasn't feeling the benefits of the meds anymore.  In fact, I think the meds were making some things WORSE.  I was a shell... numb, no motivation, no drive.  Usually that is a symptom of depression but I was being treated and I was STILL that way.  There was no happy or sad, just Blah!  That is something that I'm afraid of though.  I haven't had to deal with emotions for so long now that to feel them now is scary.  I'm not sure what a normal life feels like any more so I'm pretty intimidated.

Because of the timing of the end of my meds, I started this new life in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season.  INSANITY!!!  But I made it through.  I made it through Christmas present shopping, a 13 hour road trip to see the inlaws for Christmas and my family for New Years, a vehicle emergency (under warranty Thank Goodness!), and another 13 hour road trip home - completely Happy Pill free!  Let me tell you, there were moments when I thought I was going to give in and commit myself to the Funny Farm but I chose to believe that everyone has "off" days and that the drama would eventually pass.  The hard part is telling myself that every morning before I get up so that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Now I'm home and back into my usual routine and I'm not 100% sure I've made the right choice.  I THINK I've done the right thing but I'm still anxious.  I'm crying more often than when I was on the pills but maybe that's better than being the husk of a human being that I was.

I have a long way to go... I know that.  It's daunting but I'm focusing on one day at a time.  Sometimes I might have to take it hour by hour, but for now it's day by day.

Wish me luck!  My family may need some luck too...it can't be easy living with me right now.  ;-)